Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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