I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
