i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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