So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
