He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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