The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
