How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
