Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I died a long time ago.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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