How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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