i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
