I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
