im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dear god my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
