TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize