Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
