I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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