I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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