youre lurking in front of me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
