Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
