i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
