I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
