As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
