He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
