If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
