i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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