First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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