your parents love me but you hate me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
