well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
