Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
