Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
