I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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