hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
