THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
