You smell like a Billy Joel song
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
