Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
