i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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