Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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