She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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