I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Randomize
