i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
