Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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