i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i will never coherently bang her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
