dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
