This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
