I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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