I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
