her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
