i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
