I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
