so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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