3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
