I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
