I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
