awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
