I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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