it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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