this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
