You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize