If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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