What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
