dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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