so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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