We won't sleep together?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
