Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
