Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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