So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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