I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
