i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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