I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
