His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
