listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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