I think im going to throw up on grandma
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
