remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize