Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
