and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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