Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
