there's paper in my vomit.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
third nipple confirmed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
