I love how my cats smell like pot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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