How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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